Bush Orders Mt. St. Helens Eruption to Distract from Debate Defeat

President Bush denied allegations today that he ordered US forces to trigger volcanic activity at Mt. St. Helens in order to take the media's attention from last night's debate.

"Bush triggered the activity as a part of his Clear Skies Initiative, not for any other reason," press secretary Scott McClellan told reporters today in the Rose Garden. "If you want clean skies, you've got to have a balance between 'natural' smoke and pollution and the shit we create every day."

The small eruption was timed, coincidentally, to interrupt CNN's "Inside Politics," turning Judy Woodruff's attention mountainside. "The eruption is a clear reminder that our planet is a living thing," she said.